Trying to fall asleep last night, I am wide-eyed, thinking OH MY GOD! What am I doing? Am I insane? How can I possibly afford this? Can I really pay the tuition costs that aren't covered by the TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS of federal loans I'm taking, or will I need to borrow more money? Is that a good idea? What if I can't handle the work load? What if it's too much with work? Should I think about quitting my job so that I can focus on school? OH MY GOD! I just bought a condo! I can't afford to quit my job. If I needed to, how fast could I even sell my condo? What if I made a big mistake?
And then I think:
It's not too late. I haven't made any irreversible commitments. If I don't register for classes tomorrow, I could just forget this whole crazy grad school idea and just be a technical writer for the rest of my life.
But when I really think about that option, really think about what it means, I find myself calming down. I am, I am making the right decisions. I think...?
I've been feeling these little exploding bubbles of panic periodically all week. Part of it comes from all the intelligent, experienced students that surround me. Their eyes widen slightly when I say I'll be working 40 hours a week and taking 15 credits. Part of it comes from all the talk about the expense of the school--because it's really expensive. "Maximize the credits you take every quarter," they tell us again and again. "The faster you get through it, the more money you save."
(I'm not maximizing my credits. It's more financially sound for me to continue my work as a technical writer as long as I'm in school.)
"Experience really counts. Take advantage of the school and plan early for internships."
(Will I have time to take advantage of the school, with as much as I'm working? Am I being foolish?)
"There's a happy hour nearly every night. KSIS is really social."
(Well, I won't be going to those. Oh no, is that a mistake? Am I going to miss out on too many networking opportunities?)
And then: OH MY GOD! What am I doing? Am I insane? It's not too late to change my mind... Should I rethink this?
Well, I have now passed the threshold: I just registered for classes! I have a DU ID card with my picture on it, a sticker that says I can ride public transit for free, a parking pass, $300 worth of textbooks, and an account balance of $10,755.
I was really lucky, because I got all the classes I wanted. Some miracle won me an early registration time today, which let me sneak into all my first choice classes. (I had panic bubbles about that, too.) I had hoped to arrange all my classes on one day, but I couldn't work that out for this term. Hopefully next term. I'm also lucky in that I have such flexible hours at work. (Unfortunately, one of my classes conflicts with a regularly scheduled meeting. Not sure how that's going to work out.)
Anyway, I am taking Statistics I, Group and Organizational Dynamics, and The International System. Cool!
04 September 2008
02 September 2008
Fashion Update
So at the last minute I went with the slightly too-big brown skirt, the white shirt, and sandals. Result? I felt a little over-dressed (though some others went my route) and extremely cold, thanks to an unexpectedly chilly morning. During a quick break, I have rushed back to my apartment for a sweater and change to pants. The sandals remain, but only because they're my only choice, other than sneakers. I really need to go shoe shopping!!
More later....
Update to the Update:
While the temperature issue was resolved, I then proceeded to break (irreparably) my only decent pair of warm-weather shoes. I guess tomorrow I'll be in sneakers! At least my toes won't be cold.
01 September 2008
What do you wear to grad school?
The thing most on my mind today:
What should I wear?
That’s right. Orientation starts tomorrow and my primary concern is one of fashion: how much should I dress up? Is business casual adequate, or should I wear something as dressy as I would pick for an interview? What should I do? And honestly, my wardrobe is pretty limited—my nicest clothes are a little autumnal. If I decide I should go dressy on the first day, do I even have an outfit that would work in this warm weather?
What about that black skirt? No, a little too fancy I think. The short one? That’s wool. Hmm. OK. Maybe that nicer brown one? That’s a little too big, and I’m not sure it would work with the white shirt. The green pants? Too casual. The grey ones? Too hot. Argh! What will I do? Too late to go shopping. And let’s not even start on the shoes situation...
Maybe it’s all for the best, that I’m preoccupied with my fashion choices; if I weren’t obsessing over that, I’d have to worry about how hard it’s going to be working and going to school full time. Now, I’ve done this before: I worked 40 hours a week my senior year of undergrad, while taking a full 18 hour credit load. So I know that I am capable of excelling with a busy schedule, and I know myself well enough to recognize that I do my best work when I’m under pressure. It’s just a matter of time management and the ability to compartmentalize—which I’m good at.
(The little voice in the back of my head reminds me that I was working in a bookstore during undergrad, not an especially brain-intensive job, and that grad school is a whole different ball game.)
Up until about a month ago, I thought I was going to be able to ease into my double life. At work I would be mid product cycle, not exactly slow but not especially busy, either. The pressure there would be off, at least. It would be like wading slowly into the pool, one inch at a time.
Then...my deadline moved. Now I’m frantically trying to get my project under control with work, and starting school at the same time. Forget that whole easting into the water plan: I’m diving head first, and hoping the cold kicks my adrenaline into a highly productive gear.
Just to assure everyone: even though I’m nervous, I really, really, really think I’ll be OK. Everyone else seems to think I’m crazy, which is sort of giving me a complex. I’m not sure how many worried, loving looks (or long pauses on the phone) I can handle before I start throwing things (figuratively, of course—I’m not really a thrower). Someone at work on Friday actually said he thought I’d be just fine, that he hadn’t thought graduate school was as hard as it’s hyped up to be, and it was so wonderful and refreshing to have someone express confidence in my ability to manage my two lives, that I could have cried.
And, as someone I was chatting with on my flight back to Colorado this weekend said, “It’s probably good you don’t have any friends in Colorado, because you won’t have any time for a social life!”
Too true, at least for the next couple of months. But if I can make it through October, I can make it through anything. And it’s really exciting to be starting this new adventure! Excitement and adrenaline will get me through the next two months.
What should I wear?
That’s right. Orientation starts tomorrow and my primary concern is one of fashion: how much should I dress up? Is business casual adequate, or should I wear something as dressy as I would pick for an interview? What should I do? And honestly, my wardrobe is pretty limited—my nicest clothes are a little autumnal. If I decide I should go dressy on the first day, do I even have an outfit that would work in this warm weather?
What about that black skirt? No, a little too fancy I think. The short one? That’s wool. Hmm. OK. Maybe that nicer brown one? That’s a little too big, and I’m not sure it would work with the white shirt. The green pants? Too casual. The grey ones? Too hot. Argh! What will I do? Too late to go shopping. And let’s not even start on the shoes situation...
Maybe it’s all for the best, that I’m preoccupied with my fashion choices; if I weren’t obsessing over that, I’d have to worry about how hard it’s going to be working and going to school full time. Now, I’ve done this before: I worked 40 hours a week my senior year of undergrad, while taking a full 18 hour credit load. So I know that I am capable of excelling with a busy schedule, and I know myself well enough to recognize that I do my best work when I’m under pressure. It’s just a matter of time management and the ability to compartmentalize—which I’m good at.
(The little voice in the back of my head reminds me that I was working in a bookstore during undergrad, not an especially brain-intensive job, and that grad school is a whole different ball game.)
Up until about a month ago, I thought I was going to be able to ease into my double life. At work I would be mid product cycle, not exactly slow but not especially busy, either. The pressure there would be off, at least. It would be like wading slowly into the pool, one inch at a time.
Then...my deadline moved. Now I’m frantically trying to get my project under control with work, and starting school at the same time. Forget that whole easting into the water plan: I’m diving head first, and hoping the cold kicks my adrenaline into a highly productive gear.
Just to assure everyone: even though I’m nervous, I really, really, really think I’ll be OK. Everyone else seems to think I’m crazy, which is sort of giving me a complex. I’m not sure how many worried, loving looks (or long pauses on the phone) I can handle before I start throwing things (figuratively, of course—I’m not really a thrower). Someone at work on Friday actually said he thought I’d be just fine, that he hadn’t thought graduate school was as hard as it’s hyped up to be, and it was so wonderful and refreshing to have someone express confidence in my ability to manage my two lives, that I could have cried.
And, as someone I was chatting with on my flight back to Colorado this weekend said, “It’s probably good you don’t have any friends in Colorado, because you won’t have any time for a social life!”
Too true, at least for the next couple of months. But if I can make it through October, I can make it through anything. And it’s really exciting to be starting this new adventure! Excitement and adrenaline will get me through the next two months.
