A friend, whom I will codename Sea Bird (she of the mighty wingspan and graceful flight), has repeatedly asked for it, and so: The Lightyellow Journal is back.
Though my Peace Corps adventure has ended, I am now about to embark on a new journey: Graduate School! While I personally find the idea of going back to school absolutely fascinating, I am not sure why anyone else would want a steady stream of updates regarding my headaches and due dates, but Sea Bird has asked....
(See how much I care?)
I’m back! And I will do my best to publish regular, insightful, humorous updates. With (I’m sure) an occasional rant. Stay tuned....
PS- For the moment I'm leaving all my old posts from Ukraine up. However, because this used to be hosted on my own site, you might notice some broken links in the old posts. Sorry!
27 August 2008
Would you do it again?
Setting this page up, I find myself reading through random entries from Ukraine, and thinking what a different person I am, now. Way back when, I promised a post reflecting on my experiences in Ukraine. Now, more than a year and a half since my return, I’m finally ready to do that. Strange, but I really do feel like it’s taken this long to get the perspective I needed before I could write this.
Looking back at my earlier writings, I am struck by how (and you’ll probably get a good laugh at this) young and idealistic I was back then. I know, I know...it’s a bit of a cliché, isn’t it? Of course I was young and idealistic—isn’t that a prerequisite for anyone going into the Peace Corps?
I certainly didn’t see myself that way, though. I felt old and wise—an oft-cited sign of youth. Still, in some ways I was both old and wise: I had five years of work under my belt, whereas most of the youngsters around me were fresh out of college. But even if I wasn’t expecting to change the world, but I must have been expecting to change something. Otherwise, why would I have been so frustrated by how ineffectual I felt? I also had no concept of what it meant to go into an established school program as a completely untried teacher, purporting to have something to teach not only the children, but the experienced teachers as well. It takes a certain brand of arrogance to do that, and no small amount of skill and confidence to do it well. I had none of those things, and so I struggled. In retrospect, I do think I was naïve.
All that said, it is very easy for all of us to discount what Volunteers, myself included, do offer: a new perspective, a taste of a foreign culture, and a suitcase full of enthusiasm. They tell us from the start that our experience as a volunteer is not about our “job” so much it is about being an American in an isolated community. The Peace Corps has three goals, and two of them focus on cultural exchange. (The first goal, to provide “trained men and women”, is I think the least successful and most damaging to the program. But that’s a much longer post than I want to write today.)
One question I get a lot is, “Would you do it again?” My answer is generally a qualified yes. I am unquestionably glad I went; had I not, I would always have regretted it, and I doubt I would have done it later in life. For me, it was a “now or never” situation. The experience also put my life on a different track. Without Peace Corps, I would not have contemplated a career switch, and I would not have gone to graduate school. The whole experience has reoriented me in a positive way, and I couldn’t be happier. BUT...if I were to offer any advice to others, I would suggest getting a start in a field that interests you and then applying your preexisting experience in the Peace Corps, rather than using Peace Corps as a springboard to an unknown career. If you’re certain you want to go right after college, then check out the Masters International program. The best way to get (and give) the most out of your Peace Corps experience is to make sure your assignment has relevance to your life and goals, and to make sure you have experience beyond what little training the Peace Corps offers. Take control!
After returning to the US, I floated for a while, unsure of what I would do next. I lived with my grandmother for a year. I took a couple of economics classes, and pondered my future. I did not apply to graduate school: I found that getting applications ready was just too much to expect of myself so quickly after my return, and so I decided to wait a year. Instead, I contacted my old, pre-PC employer and began contracting again as a technical writer. In this, my prior work experience was a great asset. In no time at all I was back at work, almost as though I had never left. I began to slip back into my old life. It was almost spooky how easy it was.
Did I really want to go back to school? Acquire all that debt? Switch to a career where I might actually make less than I made already? I wasn’t sure any more. It wasn’t until December, when I’d been back a year, that I decided I would go for it.
And so here I am. I moved to Denver, and next week I’ll be attending an orientation program at the University of Denver, where I will be studying for a Masters in International Administration. It’s thrilling, exciting, scary, and I can’t wait.
What else has changed? Well, I’m starting to feel like I look my age (all of 30), rather than seeming younger. I usually wear makeup to work. I think about fashion much more than I used to, and am marginally more stylish. Perhaps most significantly, I feel more in control of my life, and am more confident in my decisions. In short, I guess I’m all grown up, and not just playing dress-up.
How’s that for summary on my Peace Corps experience?
Looking back at my earlier writings, I am struck by how (and you’ll probably get a good laugh at this) young and idealistic I was back then. I know, I know...it’s a bit of a cliché, isn’t it? Of course I was young and idealistic—isn’t that a prerequisite for anyone going into the Peace Corps?
I certainly didn’t see myself that way, though. I felt old and wise—an oft-cited sign of youth. Still, in some ways I was both old and wise: I had five years of work under my belt, whereas most of the youngsters around me were fresh out of college. But even if I wasn’t expecting to change the world, but I must have been expecting to change something. Otherwise, why would I have been so frustrated by how ineffectual I felt? I also had no concept of what it meant to go into an established school program as a completely untried teacher, purporting to have something to teach not only the children, but the experienced teachers as well. It takes a certain brand of arrogance to do that, and no small amount of skill and confidence to do it well. I had none of those things, and so I struggled. In retrospect, I do think I was naïve.
All that said, it is very easy for all of us to discount what Volunteers, myself included, do offer: a new perspective, a taste of a foreign culture, and a suitcase full of enthusiasm. They tell us from the start that our experience as a volunteer is not about our “job” so much it is about being an American in an isolated community. The Peace Corps has three goals, and two of them focus on cultural exchange. (The first goal, to provide “trained men and women”, is I think the least successful and most damaging to the program. But that’s a much longer post than I want to write today.)
One question I get a lot is, “Would you do it again?” My answer is generally a qualified yes. I am unquestionably glad I went; had I not, I would always have regretted it, and I doubt I would have done it later in life. For me, it was a “now or never” situation. The experience also put my life on a different track. Without Peace Corps, I would not have contemplated a career switch, and I would not have gone to graduate school. The whole experience has reoriented me in a positive way, and I couldn’t be happier. BUT...if I were to offer any advice to others, I would suggest getting a start in a field that interests you and then applying your preexisting experience in the Peace Corps, rather than using Peace Corps as a springboard to an unknown career. If you’re certain you want to go right after college, then check out the Masters International program. The best way to get (and give) the most out of your Peace Corps experience is to make sure your assignment has relevance to your life and goals, and to make sure you have experience beyond what little training the Peace Corps offers. Take control!
After returning to the US, I floated for a while, unsure of what I would do next. I lived with my grandmother for a year. I took a couple of economics classes, and pondered my future. I did not apply to graduate school: I found that getting applications ready was just too much to expect of myself so quickly after my return, and so I decided to wait a year. Instead, I contacted my old, pre-PC employer and began contracting again as a technical writer. In this, my prior work experience was a great asset. In no time at all I was back at work, almost as though I had never left. I began to slip back into my old life. It was almost spooky how easy it was.
Did I really want to go back to school? Acquire all that debt? Switch to a career where I might actually make less than I made already? I wasn’t sure any more. It wasn’t until December, when I’d been back a year, that I decided I would go for it.
And so here I am. I moved to Denver, and next week I’ll be attending an orientation program at the University of Denver, where I will be studying for a Masters in International Administration. It’s thrilling, exciting, scary, and I can’t wait.
What else has changed? Well, I’m starting to feel like I look my age (all of 30), rather than seeming younger. I usually wear makeup to work. I think about fashion much more than I used to, and am marginally more stylish. Perhaps most significantly, I feel more in control of my life, and am more confident in my decisions. In short, I guess I’m all grown up, and not just playing dress-up.
How’s that for summary on my Peace Corps experience?
30 November 2006
Last Update from Ukraine
Yesterday I had my last haircut in Ukraine, and Sveta cut off the last remnants of red from when I dyed my hair two years ago, at the end of training. Somehow I'd forgotten that there was any of it left, and when she announced that it was gone I was surprised.
And now the red is gone, I guess it's time to go back to America.
I can't believe how quickly the last two months passed. One minute I was celebrating the opening of the Resource Center and scrambling to get materials together for meetings with the regional English teachers. Now here I am, Resource Center complete, meetings finished, and various piles of belongings (sorted into packed, to be packed, for new volunteer, for teachers, for anyone who will take it) scattered around my living room, waiting for me to deal with them.
Today was my last day of school; tomorrow is my last visit, when I'm going to say goodbye to the teachers. (I think they're planning something, although I really have no idea what. I just hope that whatever gifts they give me are small. One of my friends got 4 bottles of wine and a set of teacups--and her bags were full before that! I don't expect that much, though.) Two of my closest Peace Corps friends are now officially RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers).
When I first arrived, people here asked me if I missed home, and I always said No, which was the truth, though I felt a little guilty about it. I mean, sure, I missed home--but not in the aching, desperate way that they expected me to miss home. But now when people ask I say yes, I miss home. There's something about knowing that I'll be back soon that makes me miss home more than before.
But first I have to survive the goodbyes. They officially start tonight, when I have my goodbye dinner with my host family. I feel like this is my first real goodbye; saying goodbye to my classes hasn't felt real, because I've still been around school, and seen the kids in the halls. Even today, saying goodbye to my favorite class, I said, "But I'll be in school tomorrow, too, so maybe I'll see you!"
I hate goodbyes. I don't want to dwell on it.
On Sunday I leave Chernomorskoe. Overnight train to Kyiv, one day of paperwork in the office there, and I leave on Tuesday. Amazing how the time has gone. This is probably my last post from Ukraine, but I'll write a note or two when I get back to reflect on the experience as a whole. I don't feel that I have the perspective to do that now. Everything is a jumble, with too many conflicting emotions.
I'll leave you with a quote:
How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before it's afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?
-- Dr. Seuss
